Jessica: Playing With the Big Boys

"But Moses said to God, 'Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?'  

And God said, 'I will be with you.'"

Oh hey.  Remember me?  The last time I posted I talked about how I was just a baby learning the ropes around here in the DR.  It's amazing what four short months can teach you, and how much older you can feel after all your experiences.  In some ways, that's great!  We now go to the supermarket with no supervision (and have for some time now!).  I can walk into a hardware store and actually receive what I ask for, even if it takes a couple tries.  We have made friends with people and businesses owners around town who get excited when they see us.  And, more importantly, I have become friends with many of the leaders in the bateyes, and I think they are starting to realize that my family and I are here for the long haul, and that we really are here to help them and to bring us all closer to God.  These are major successes, people!

But these four months have also truly revealed to me just how big a task with which God has entrusted me.  Crazy circumstances have made these the hardest, randomest, and most wonderful four months of my life.  For those of you who don't know, the manager of the Dominican side of The Least of These Ministries resigned after just a month of us being here to pursue other career interests.  The ministry placed me in charge to fill his place.  Me-a small 22-year-old white girl with no experience leading a ministry.  This is a role that I felt I might occupy in the distant future, but definitely not this soon.  I certainly wasn't seeking this position, but I also felt certain that it was the will of God.

Suddenly I wasn't a baby anymore because I couldn't be a baby.  I was in the Big League now, I was playing with the big boys.  And you know what?  This is hard.  I have never had to do anything this hard.  I know it's been hard because since moving here I have developed a recurring stress dream that I am in a school play and have forgotten all my lines (and dance routines) on opening night.  Apparently that is the epitome of stress to me.  I guess I should be grateful my stress didn't take the form of a zombie apocalypse every night.   

Ever since I can remember my favorite person in the Bible has been Moses.  I love his story, maybe because I can relate to him so well.  I could spend my entire life talking about him (and I probably will!).  Up until God empowered Moses to stand up to Pharaoh-and even sometimes after-Moses seemed to struggle with a huge lack of confidence, not only in himself but in God as well.  When God called him to free the Israelites from slavery Moses came up with every single possibility of things that could go wrong.  What if Pharaoh says no?  What if they want to know who sent me?  What if they don't believe me?  But I don't speak well, I never have.  Oh God, please send someone else.

I hope you all have seen the beautiful film adaptation of this story, The Prince of Egypt.  There is a song in the middle of it when Moses first confronts Pharaoh and his magicians to demand that they let his people go.  Whenever I am struggling or have come up against some conflict, this song plays in my head (Is that lame?  Probably.  I don't care though).  Here is a link to watch the scene: Playing With the Big Boys-Prince of Egypt

When I'm having a rough day or when problem after problem come up with less and less solutions, it really does feel like I'm facing giants.  I deal with conflict among the people around me, broken things that need fixing, people who don't seem to share my philosophy of ministry, and so many other things.  I have seen the negative consequences of people's bad decisions, and I have seen what happens when Satan comes with the intent to destroy.  We as a Church have a lot up against us, and on tough days I allow the weight of it all to bring me down.  I have a feeling Moses had days like that too.

I can honestly say, however, that the biggest giant I have faced so far is my own sense of inadequacy.  Even as a child I struggled with self-doubt.  I have never felt good enough, smart enough, courageous enough to complete that tasks that God has given me.  And now that God has brought me to the biggest task of my life to this point, my self-doubt continues to rear it's big ugly head now more than ever.

But you know what I love about God and the story of Moses?  Moses asks, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" (Exodus 3:11).  It sounds to me like Moses wants some validation; he wants God to tell him why he qualifies to do this job.  Does God start listing off all of his good traits to reassure him that he is the man for the job?  I personally would love a pep talk like this.  But no.  The only response God gives is "I will be with you."  

Moses succeeded because God was with him.  Not because he was big, strong, and brave.  Likewise, God didn't call me because of my stunning good looks, my naturally fearless disposition, or my ability to juggle four chainsaws and a bunny all at the same time.  He chose me because I am a broken human being in desperate need of his salvation, and he knew that if I humbled myself and allowed him to take control of my life, people would be able to see his glory shine through my broken exterior.  If I remain in God and stay faithful to his will, I will succeed too.  And that's all the reassurance I need.

Do you want to help me face giants?  The best way to help is to pray!  Prayer is what moves God to work in mighty ways, and believe me, he has already moved in mighty ways.  Here are some things for me and for our ministry that you can pray for:

Sickness: It seems like every couple weeks I come down with some kind of sickness, from simple colds and stomach bugs to bronchitis and chikungunya.  It's hard to give 100% to your ministry when you don't feel 100% physically.  Please pray I will be able to fight off future illnesses so I can give the time and love that the people here deserve.

Unity: I have learned a lot about how Satan works since being here, and I have decided that through the thousands of methods he uses to lead us astray, he ultimately has one goal-to destroy unity.  He doesn't want us to be in unity with God, with others, or even with ourselves.  I see the disunity here between people in the bateyes and even people in the church, and it breaks my heart.  Pray that the body of Christ learns how to stay unified amidst the chaos, so we can effectively serve the Lord in all that we do.

Leadership: Something God placed on my heart long ago was to find the natural leaders in the bateyes, the people who love their community and want to see change happen.  We have already seen a few people, both children and adults, who have the potential to do great things through God.  Please pray for continued discernment as well as our relationships with these people, that they continue to strengthen.

Do you feel like you are playing with the big boys too?  Let my family know so we can face them together!  You are always welcome to send us a Facebook message or email us with prayer requests or anything else.  

Until next time, Team.  :)