Jessica: Let Go of the Couch

One of the things I hope I can do with this blog is share with you some of the things I am learning in my life.  I find that I am especially human, and it is my hope that my blunders and weaknesses will prove useful to someone in one way or another.  What's the use of screwing up if no one can learn from it?  I'm sure when I leave for the DR in 2 weeks (!!!) I will have plenty more ridiculous screw-ups and lessons I can share with you.

Today I will boast gladly about my anxiety.  Maybe anxiety is too strong of a word, or maybe it's a perfect description.  I am the resident worrier in my family; when there is a problem or issue I fixate on it and can hardly bring myself to think about anything else.  As you can probably imagine, preparing to move out of the country brings with it many problems and issues.  A couple weeks ago I was so stressed out about everything that I could not sleep at all.  For at least 7 days straight I would while away the nighttime hours tossing and turning in between restless dreams, or twisting the knot in my stomach tighter and tighter until it was almost unbearable.  Through all of that effort I succeeded in nothing more than making my daytime activities more difficult for myself, and probably for the others around me.

Last week my sister and I went hiking.  As I was sitting on a rock overlooking the mountains, pondering life (as I typically do) I found myself picturing God holding up the world with his arms.  To see the look on his face it seemed effortless for him, and I'm sure it probably was.  And then I got an image in my head of myself trying to help God hold up the world.  My puny arms struggled immediately, and I felt like I was crushing myself under the weight of it all.  In my mind I thought, "God clearly doesn't need my help with this, and he never asked for my help either.  So why do I keep killing myself trying to continue?"

Have you ever been with a group of people that needed to move a piece of heavy furniture?  If it's a nice group of people everyone will volunteer to help out.  Everyone gathers around whatever needs to be moved, finds a place to put their hands, and lifts it up together.  If you are like me, you are struggling a little with the weight, and you use all of your might to keep that couch (or whatever it is) up and moving.  At one point you take your hands off of it and realize something-everybody is doing just fine moving this thing without me!  All the effort I was putting forth wasn't necessary.

At this point you have two options: you can continue putting your hands on the couch and pretend to be helping (nobody wants to be the only loser not helping), or you can move ahead of the group and start clearing the way for them to put the couch down.  You could hold the door open for them or make sure the floor is nice and neat.  The point is, even though your efforts weren't needed in one place, you can direct your efforts to something else, something more constructive.

Maybe instead of keeping myself up at night worrying about things I can't control, I can instead direct my efforts to things I can control, things that will give opportunities for God to work in my life.

Please understand.  Burdening yourself with the problems and worries of this world is not a form of piety and righteousness; it is a form of arrogance and pride.  People who don't release their worries to God do so for two reasons: either they actually think they are capable of changing their circumstances if they just dwell on it long enough, or they are too scared and prideful to admit they can't do something by themselves.  I fall under the latter category.  I have difficulty trusting God to provide for me and take care of the problems that are too big for me. And that produces anxiety.

So what can we worriers do?  Well the first step is to let go of the couch.  Let go of the couch and trust that God is more than capable of shouldering the burden himself.  And then look for ways to use your skills and strengths to prepare the way for him.  He has given you those capabilities to do things that you are capable of; he knows your limits and, in his limitless strength and abundant love, he will take your worries, give you rest, and provide for you greater things than you ever imagined for yourself.  If we can succeed in this we will free ourselves of worry.

And we will sleep better too.