You Are Not Small.

Hey everyone!  In case you haven't heard, I'm back in the States from Honduras.  It was a beautiful, amazing, life-changing trip.  And though it pains me to leave all of the precious people I have had the privilege to work with, my heart can't help but be excited for everything God has in store for me in this next part of my life.  There is less than a year until I move to the Dominican Republic.  Can that be right?  I have a lot to do to prepare, and I couldn't be more excited.

The reason for this update is just to share something that God taught me toward the end of my trip through one of my best friends in Honduras, Leslie's five-year-old son Osman David.  He is one of the greatest kids I have ever met-smart, funny, adorable.  He goes out of his way to show others how much he loves them, and frequently gives up what he wants so others can be happy.

That being said, Osman has a big problem with self-esteem.  At times he thinks he is ugly, stupid, and an all-around bad kid.  On my last day in Honduras, Shelby and I chased him down as he walked away from us sobbing.  The three of us sat on the sidewalk and we asked him what was wrong.

"I can't do anything," he confessed finally.

"What do you mean you can't do anything?" I asked him.  We were about to make cakes for our good-bye party that evening and he had wanted to help, but then he suddenly changed his mind and ran away.

"I can't do anything because I'm too small," he answered.  He could hardly speak because he was crying so hard.  This seemed a strange thing to be upset about, so Shelby and I took turns comforting him and telling him that we needed his help and wanted him to come with us.  After a while he cut us off and shouted, "I'm an ant!"  My eyes immediately welled with tears and I struggled to choke them back.  How could this amazing little boy consider himself as worthless as an ant?  I'm sure parents can relate to this feeling if their children were ever down on themselves.  This boy, whom I love dearly, has so much potential and already excels in what he does, and yet he couldn't see or believe any of that.

With the help of his mom we eventually got him calmed down and he ended up being a great help to us, but as I was reflecting on this incident the next day, a thought hit me: I wonder if that's what God feels like whenever his children think they are unworthy?  I looked back on the countless times in my life when I was crying and shouting because I didn't feel good enough, and I felt too small to do the job I was asked to do.  I could picture God in the same position I was, crying and wondering how his creation didn't realize how beautiful and important she was. 

With that being said, I'm not claiming that I'm some amazing person that can do anything she wants.  What I am saying is that I am a valuable daughter of God, and with his help I am not small.  I am important, not because of anything I did, but because God made me and designed me for a purpose in this world.  And whenever I forget this truth, I truly think that it breaks his heart. 

You are not small.  You have a big God on your side who loves you and sees you for who you really are.  So let's stop having such a terrible opinion about ourselves and instead look to the one who deserves all the glory.  Stop listening to the lies and start looking to your Father, who cries out for you when you feel alone and worthless, and who swells with joy when you decide to follow him.  In him you are big, and can do everything he calls you to do.