Marty: What I Learned on My Spring Break

Many of you know that Lisa returned to the States in late December to await the arrival of our first grandchild. After three long months without her, Jessica and I journeyed back in early April, to join her for a month-long Spring Break! The time passed amazingly fast, and I can hardly believe we have been back in the DR for almost three weeks. I'd like to share with you some of the things I learned during our visit.

1. Being a grandpa is the best!

Certainly the most wonderful part of our visit was meeting and spending time with our new granddaughter, Lily Marie! She was born in mid-January, and is a beautiful & precious baby. Since she was already a couple of months old when we arrived, she was out of the 'blob' stage, and was ready to play, read books, and even start chatting toward the end of our visit. (Okay, I fear some of you may be offended at my reference to the 'blob' stage. Most assuredly, no offense is intended to Lily or her wonderful parents, Stephen & Alyce, nor anyone else who ever was a baby or had a baby. Face it, in the first couple of months, they mostly look cute, eat, make pretty expressions on their face, poop, eat some more, sleep, eat, etc.). Lily's personality is a great mix of both her parents. It will be so exciting to watch her grow. We thank God for Lily and her parents!

2. The visa renewal process is relatively easy.

We had a very practical reason for visiting in April. Our visas (which allow us to remain in the DR for a year) expired mid-month, and had to be renewed in the States. Pretty well guarantees we'll be back at least every April! I was concerned we would not have enough time to complete the process, as I looked back at the initial process last year. But through prayer, a little pre-work completed before our departure, and Lisa's efforts before we arrived, our visas were approved and ready with time to spare!

3. As I age, I am apparently beginning to look like George Clooney.

 Well, at least through one person’s eyes. Let me explain. One morning, as I waited for my turn in the U.S. Passports office (see #2 above), an elderly lady paused and glanced at me as she was walking by. “George Clooney!” she quietly exclaimed to herself. I smiled, we shared a brief chuckle, and she moved on. This is either an indication that I am aging like a fine wine, or Mr. Clooney is not aging so well. You decide.

4. It’s all about the brew.

I’m not talking about beer, as I know nothing about its brewing process. Naturally, I’m talking about coffee. Dominican coffee seems to me to have a bolder, deeper flavor profile than what I was used to in the States. This is mostly a result of the brewing process. I use what is called a greca to brew mine, which is the traditional process here, as I understand it. Much of the coffee I drank while in the U.S. left me longing for my cup of dark, rich brew back home.

5. It’s All About That Bass

We spent a lot of time in the car during our visit. So, we had ample opportunity to get caught up on popular music, both secular and Christian. Things on the secular music scene haven’t changed much. The “oldies” stations (you know, the ones playing music from the 80s and 90s) are naturally playing the same 30 songs. The pop music stations are living up to their genre and only playing about ten of the most popular songs. Seriously – we heard them all within our first day, and then heard the same songs multiple times each day thereafter. And the Christian music station made us feel like we never left, as they were playing mostly the same songs they’ve been playing for years.

6. Relaxation is good.

This isn’t a totally new lesson for me. But, those who know me well know that I tend to always find things to ‘do’ to be productive. I’m much better these days about allowing myself to take time to rest, though. And since Jessica posted an instruction guide for missionaries on their furlough, as some call it, I had to heed her advice. And believe me, I did.

7. Safe roads and traffic laws are a blessing.

Roads and traffic here in the DR are, at best, loosely organized chaos. I do all the driving for our family, and have filled in several times driving our ministry truck during our food distribution. My first few weeks of driving here were some of the most stressful times of my life! It is easier now that I understand a lot of the unwritten ‘rules of the road,’ but I’m sometimes left scratching my head when I see some driving situations here. What a difference in the U.S.! In general, roads are in good condition (don’t complain to me about that pothole they haven’t fixed for weeks) and well-marked, and people actually keep to a single lane. Next time you start to complain about taxes (in general), just remember they are what help to pay for infrastructure like safe roadways. And please do not construe this as a political statement. We all use public roads and the goods that are transported on them, regardless of our political positions and views.

8. Our families support us wonderfully.

This is another one that’s not a new lesson, but I would be remiss in not mentioning it. Our families have been supportive of us in so many ways as we began this journey. And during our visit, they continued to show their love for us and the support for what we are doing. From providing a place for us to live during our visit, to meals, to loaning a vehicle when needed, to showing up at our one-year celebration, and so much more! We love and appreciate each of you and thank God that you are a part of our lives.

9. Our friends support us wonderfully.

It was a blessing to visit with many of our friends while we were in the States. Whether it was a brief conversation at church or our one-year celebration, a visit over coffee, a lunch, or a dinner, I am so grateful that you made time to catch up with me. Your friendship is a great encouragement to me!

10. My mother-in-law can fly.

Whatever image your mind just concocted, it’s not what I mean. We had the amazing privilege of bringing my in-laws back to the DR with us for a visit. Plans for the visit had been made months ago, so we had been anticipating it for a while. It was their first time to the DR. It was Linda’s first time out of the country (Mike’s a seasoned short-term missions guy). In fact, it was Linda’s first time flying! We thoroughly enjoyed being able to share our life here with them, and all indications are that they had a great time while they were here. It really means a lot to each of us that they chose to spend their ‘vacation’ time here with us. We love you both, Mike & Linda!

Back to Work

After a successful and enjoyable time away, we have hit the ground running to get back into our routine here. In addition to a couple of teams with The Least of These Ministries coming in June, we’ll be involved in several other teams this summer. We have worked with other local ministries to have some of their team members take part in our food distribution so they can experience another aspect of ministry here. Also, Lisa will be getting busy as the clinic continues to move closer to beginning operations.

In Other News…

It has become necessary for us to purchase a vehicle. The vehicle we are currently using was loaned to us for use as we got ourselves established here. It is now time to find a reliable vehicle to purchase for ourselves. During our visit, several of you asked if we had any specific needs. Well, this is the one for now. If you are able to help us with a vehicle purchase, you may either donate via PayPal by clicking the link on our blog site or by mailing your check to The Least of These Ministries, 170 Airport Drive, Westminster MD 21157. Please write “Hogan-vehicle” on the memo line of the check. We are so grateful for the prayer, financial support, and encouragement that many of you provide!

Prayer Needs

• Rain! The entire country is experiencing a severe drought. Water supplies and agriculture are being negatively impacted.
• Three local wells in our mountain community are out of service. Many who live here have to walk farther to get clean water for their homes. Pray for a speedy resolution to the problems.
• For the TLOTM teams during the last two weeks of June.
• For the other mission teams serving the area this summer.
• For Jessica, as she is working toward moving to Batey 7 in August.
• That our ministry would be an example of Christ’s love to those we serve.
• For our local church, Calvary Chapel of Barahona.
• That we will find an inexpensive, yet reliable, vehicle for purchase.

Jessica: 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Yeah, I know.  It's me again.  After my last post I told myself, "Ok seriously, give these poor people a break."

Here's the problem: the more I write the more ideas pop into my head, and sometimes it feels like if I don't share them with someone I might explode.  So thank you for saving me from my spontaneous combustion.  You may stop reading now if you like and go back to your regularly scheduled programming.

....Still here?  Ok, Then I have to tell you ahead of time that this post has absolutely nothing to do with mission work in the Dominican Republic, and everything to do with following God in a deeper way, a lesson I learned (again) over the weekend. Still interested? Cool.

This weekend I had the privilege of helping to lead a group of girls in my church's youth group to a women's conference in Santo Domingo, the capital of the Dominican Republic. We all had a wonderful time, and I will always treasure those moments I was able to spend with the girls worshiping God and getting to experience so many new things.

Of course, most of the conference-y type things were not new to me.  No sir, this good little Christian girl has been to her fair share of conferences. I walked confidently into the auditorium, sang loudly along to the fast-paced songs the worship band was playing on stage accompanied by a reasonably stimulating light show, and proudly took out my journal and pen to take notes when the speakers came up. In all honestly, it was very refreshing for me to get away from my everyday ministry for a few days, and many of the speakers had some great things to say.

It wasn't until the second day of the conference that I noticed something strange I was doing. I was awake and alert as I listened to the women on stage (at least most of the time-those girls sure do love to watch television late into the night, and let's face it, I'm not as young as I once was) and I was even writing down some good quotes from their messages. Halfway through a message I happened to look over at my co-leader's notes; she had hardly written down anything that the speaker had said.  However, she had jotted down every single Scripture verse that the speaker had referenced.  I looked back over at my notes. Not a single verse was recorded.  I thought back to the sessions I had been sitting through and realized that almost every time a speaker referenced a verse in the Bible, I had zoned out.  My thought would always be pretty much the same: "Yep, I've heard that one before. Jesus, love, all that good stuff." And then the speaker would say something thought-provoking and catchy, and boom-her thoughts were immortalized in my notebook.

Are you hearing me, people? I was giving more importance to the words of humans than to the Word of the one true God. 

Ouch. That's not just stupid, that's alarming. Do you know what an idol is? It is anything you put before God, whether it's a person, an object, or an activity. For me, humans words had become an idol; I would highlight words in books that famous Christians had written, and I would go to friends and mentors to ask for advice before I would bother going to God's word to hear his opinion.  In that moment I realized just how little significance I had given to reading the Bible and studying his word.

I remember in one particular college course our professor made us memorize some passages of scripture for our exams, in hopes that we would recognize the importance of committing scripture to memory. Confession time-I only memorized the scripture for the exam, and proceeded to erase it from my memory when I walked out the door (sorry Professor Hull). The only one I can sort of remember is 2 Timothy 3:16-something, about all scripture being good for teaching, rebuking, etc. We had to memorize a bigger chunk than that, but I will copy down what I remember because I guess for me it is most important:

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

The first time I attempted to commit that to memory was about three years ago. So imagine my surprise when, on the last day of the conference, a woman stood up and had dedicated much of her talk to explain why reading the Bible is important. What was one of the main scriptures she used? 2 Timothy 3:16-17.  By then God had my complete attention. And I found that as I stayed tuned in for the scripture verses, her talk became alive for me, as did the words in my Bible. I was excited to read more, to learn more. Not that God's word has never been exciting for me; as a hopeless human I go through cycles of getting excited about hearing from God one day and then choosing to watch a movie and go to bed instead of listening to him the next day. But as I grow older and wiser (hopefully) I think these cycles will focus longer and longer on God and less and less on the world.

And because God really likes to drive in a point, let's fast forward to the next day at church. My pastor had been planning for a few weeks now to go over our philosophies and beliefs as a church, explaining to the congregation what exactly a Calvary Chapel (that's us) believes in and why our services look a little different from other denominations. He used many scripture references to support our beliefs, and you would never guess one of the passages he referenced-2 Timothy 3:16-17. It will never cease to amaze me how God does it; he is unwavering in his character and is intolerant of sin, and yet when he calls us back to him it is in the gentlest, most patient way. Even when crazy stuff happens and we feel pain, usually the consequence of our own sin or someone else's, if you close your eyes and be still for a moment you can hear him, ever so softly, reminding you of his great love for you.

I don't know about you, but I'm going to try harder to listen to that every day, instead of watching that extra episode of TV or getting that extra half hour of sleep.  Because listening to that is what gives us purpose.

Read God's word.  He wrote it for you.

P.S. Just a mini announcement that will have absolutely no impact on your lives-I have decided to leave the family blog and create a new one just for myself. I know, I can hear your groans from here. You don't have to read it or even subscribe to it, although you should know that your decision will directly affect my self-esteem. So no pressure. But seriously.

If you want to hear about how I royally screw up over and over again in my new life in Batey 7, this new blog is for you (haven't heard the big announcement? Read it here). You probably don't want to hear my opinions about how to have success in ministry, but you will get that too. And who knows? You might even be treated to some throwback stories, like the day I almost met Michael Jordan. Or was that the day I made an idiot out of myself in front of my close friends and a long line of strangers and a cop and a Foot Locker employee? It's hard to keep these stories straight.

Where was I? Oh, right. Look for my new blog in the next couple of weeks. It will be called "The Bad American," and my first blog will explain why I decided to call it that. I hope you check it out!

Jessica: My Deep Responsibility

Have you ever seen the 90's sitcom Boy Meets World?  It's my all-time favorite show, not just because it's funny, but also because it comes with some great life lessons.  In one particular episode Eric, one of the main characters, is playing Santa at the mall.  When a bus load of children from the local orphanage show up, Eric and his friends pool their resources to provide each of them with a present for Christmas.  They spend everything they have and then some to give these kids a little happiness during the holidays.  They are intoxicated by the grateful faces and happy smiles they see when each kid receives his new toy.  At the end of two whole successful days of helping the needy, Eric makes this bold proclamation:

"I want the world's happiness to be my responsibility."

That's a pretty lofty calling, huh?  As the episode progresses you can see that this idea is quickly shattered when a little boy crawls onto his lap and asks "Santa" for something he just can't give: a mother and a father.  Eric is devastated at his apparent failure of providing happiness to the world.  As he sits alone and reflects on his experience, he asks God a couple of times, "Why would you send me this little boy?"  As he processes the events of the day his attitude changes, and he ultimately declares his new goal:

"I can be responsible for the happiness of one little boy."

What a change.  Eric goes from wanting to affect the whole world to just humbly trying to make a difference in one person's life.  As the show continues Eric becomes the boy's "older brother" and spends time with him every weekend.  

Which decision was more effective?  Spending money he didn't have to provide a group of children one present each for one Christmas?  Or sacrificing his time every weekend to become a mentor for one orphaned child?  

There is nothing wrong with wanting to make a needy child happy.  Believe me, it's very satisfying.  But there will come a day when the money runs out, the toys are gone, and the child is still needy.  

Do you know what needy children need the most?  Call me cliche, but they need love.  They need someone to believe in them, to believe that they can accomplish things with their life, that they are capable of doing something in this world.  The kid that Eric connected with will probably not remember the fire truck he received that one Christmas, but he will never forget the time that Eric spent investing in him and showing him that he was a person worth treasuring.  That's the first step to real change: not giving people worth, but showing them that they had it all along.  As a creation of God, they are worth something.  

I could give out all the money I have in my possession to people in my community, and their needs would be met for one day.  What will they do the next day?  Who will they turn to?  And who will I turn to now that I have exhausted all of my resources?  Just because I have the capacity to meet people's physical needs doesn't mean that is the best use of my time and money.  My perspective needs to go beyond the pain of today and look more toward long-term effects and eternal consequences.  

God used one "needy" kid to send me careening onto the path I am now on, and I haven't looked back (that's a long story I would like to share with you one day, if I haven't already).  After meeting this girl I realized that it just wasn't enough for me to give all of my worldly wealth, because I didn't even have what she needed.  I couldn't provide for her even if I wanted to, and that's when I realized that maybe there is more to helping people than just meeting their daily needs for them.  

(*side note: It is my belief that there is a time and place for handing people money or buying toys for needy kids.  I also feel, however, that that approach is used more often than it should be and in situations in which that approach is inappropriate.  But that is a conversation for another time.)  

I think you can see where I'm going here.  Real change has to be deep, and deep change can almost never be as widespread as we want it to be.  Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that so many ministries and organizations have the resources to provide for many people's needs all at once.  The ministry I work for sees an average of about 15,000 people in thirteen different villages on a weekly basis.  But how many of their names do I know?  How many of their stories have I really heard?  Not nearly enough.  

So maybe I can't be responsible for initiating Christ-centered change in thirteen villages.  But maybe I can be responsible for one.  

That's the announcement, ladies and gentlemen.  It's time to go deep, and to do that I need to truly get to know the people I'm serving.  And to do that I need to become a part of their community.  And since I'm only one person, I'm starting with one community.  

Beginning in August, 2015, I will be moving to Batey 7 to live, work, and begin a community development initiative.  As many of you know, my parents and I currently live in Barahona, and each week we "commute" to the bateyes, a 20-45 minute drive depending on which batey we are going to.  That makes it almost impossible to develop real relationships with the people, especially in this culture.  For the past few months I have been feeling led to move out to a batey on my own (without my parents) and start to go deeper.    God helped me decide on Batey 7, and I have started making preparations to move there in a few months.  

This will be a big change to the life I am living now, but I couldn't be more excited.  It's the kind of excitement you get when you feel confident that you are following God's plan for your life, even if it seems a little daunting (or unbelievably daunting) at first.  Without a doubt it will be the hardest thing I have ever done, harder perhaps than even moving from the States to Barahona.  But my heart and soul are almost bursting with anticipation at what God has in mind for this community.  I have no idea what the next year will hold, but I know that through all the hardships, joys, failures, and triumphs, God is good, and he is weaving together a wonderful plan, even though I can just see the very tip of it right now.  

This is the last blog I will have in this series about the truth behind poverty....for now :)  Please join me in praying for my future move and for the community of Batey 7.  And please let me know if you have any questions about the community or my upcoming plans.  Thank you all so much for being a part of this next crazy step in my life!

Jessica: Pedal to the Meddlers

This one goes out to all the one-week mission trip-ers, all the long-term missionaries, and all the people involved in cross-cultural aid.  This is my second of three blogs that I am writing about truth, and how truth relates to serving God in a cross-cultural setting (I think it can really relate to people doing ministry everywhere, but since I am talking from my own experience I will mostly be talking about "overseas" situations).  

In my last blog, which you can read here, I talked about our perceptions of people in poverty and how we need to adjust our attitudes to see everybody as God's beautiful creation, not people to be pitied.  Today I want to talk about actions, the part where we actually do something on behalf of another human being.  As Western thinkers, our idea of "helping the poor" almost always consists of an action, a physical action that can be measured, such as building houses, fixing roofs, handing out clothes.  Those things can be measured and clearly documented with pictures and reports, which makes us feel like progress is being made.

Now, please don't think I'm knocking measurable progress or that I'm saying building houses and fixing roofs isn't important.  This is just me urging people to think long and carefully before beginning a project or initiative designed to help the poor, because there can be some unintended consequences.

You don't have to look hard for my main point in this blog because I'm going to tell it to you right now, and I'm going to make it red and bold.  I learned in Psychology class once that the color red makes people feel bad about themselves, but I couldn't think of another color that would properly portray how serious I am about this subject, so forgive the attack on your self-esteem and read carefully:

If you are going to enter into someone else's world and begin to make decisions that will affect his or her life, you need to understand the true weight and responsibility of this task.  Accordingly, constant prayer, a commitment to learning, and a time of listening must precede any action that will occur.

Too often I see people jump in with wonderful intentions, but without knowing the area in which they are working, and the result is not good.  Let me give you a more light-hearted example.  Our ministry has two signs that we hang on our truck that remind people to thank God for the things they receive.  Both signs were in Spanish.  However, I found out a few years after coming on mission trips that people in the bateyes also speak Creole, the language of the Haitians (that explained why I couldn't understand them sometimes-they were speaking Creole, not Spanish!).  So when one of our signs needed to be fixed, we came up with a great idea: why not write the same message in Creole so that everyone can understand it?  It was perfect!  The sign was made and hung proudly.  I heard people reading it out loud when they saw it; many times they would read it slowly and somewhat laboriously, but hey-maybe they were just surprised at seeing a sign in their language. I was so pleased with us and the smart decision we had made that I didn't realize the truth for many months:

People in the bateyes don't read Creole.

I'm sure some people can, and I'm sure most knew what the sign said once they sounded it out, but for the majority of people in the bateyes Creole is just a spoken language, a language passed down from their parents and grandparents and used to communicate verbally with one another.  One person in a batey thought the sign was in English!  

Here is the point I'm trying to make: it took me three years to realize that the people I was serving spoke Creole as well as Spanish, and it took me another three years to realize they weren't literate in Creole.  Am I a slow learner?  Most definitely.  But the fact is it takes a long, long time to learn about another culture, another country.  If I stay in the Dominican then I will be learning new things about this country for the rest of my life.  But that's a good thing; how can we help people if we don't know anything about them?

And the example above was just a small blunder, one that probably didn't affect anyone negatively, if it even affected anyone at all.  Think of the effect a blunder could have where more time, money, and people are involved.  The results could be, and have been, disastrous.

So that's the first step then, the one that many of us miss: learn about people before you start meddling in their lives.  Because serving without knowledge is just that-meddling.  Study the culture, but also learn from the people.  Be willing to listen to them, to hear their ideas of what should be done or what they see are the greatest needs in their own community.  Who would know better than them?  Shame on us if we enter a community with guns blazing and we didn't even ask if we were invited to the fight.

I may be coming across as more harsh than I had originally planned, but when it comes to this topic sometimes I can't help it.  The Dominican was my first love, and I fell head over heels.  It stole my heart with all its beauty and I just want what's best for its people.  But in saying that I must also humbly admit that I don't always know what's best for them.  Today I can honestly say that the honeymoon stage has long since ended; the rose-colored glasses are off and I see my home through the harsh light of reality.  Even though I see all of the beauty, hardship, frustration, and joy that come with living here, I do realize that there is still so much for me to see.  But with the knowledge and experience I have now, I want to protect these people as best as I can.

So I'm encouraging everyone, myself included, to put the brakes on our desire for results and to start looking before we leap.  Let's devote ourselves to prayer and learning, so that our efforts will be led by God primarily, and the people we serve secondarily.  Let's stop trying to see progress and start trying to see God where he is already at work.  I guarantee you that our relationships will deepen, our faith will strengthen, and our world will change.

Next week will be my last post (for now) on this subject, in which I will be making a big announcement.  I hope you all will tune in!  In the meantime, if you have any thoughts, questions, or comments about what I have been discussing feel free to leave a comment or send me a message.  I would love to hear your thoughts.  

Jessica: Smile, You're Poor

I see a problem here.

Not specifically with the people or poverty around me, but rather the way we see the people and poverty around us.  The "we" I'm talking about is the outsiders, the compassionate Western poverty-fighters who are trying to help out in the world.  In our crusade to aid the needy, clothe the naked, and civilize the non-Christian heathens, I think we sometimes give in to our dramatic sensations and miss what is really going on here.  And that is a dangerous thing to do.

Yesterday I needed to get some pictures of people during the feeding distribution to promote our Feed My Starving Children Mobile Pack event coming up in March (which is going to be a big event and really fun!  Message me for more info!).  I got some volunteers, organized them in a group, and raised my camera.

A young man from the community was standing behind me, giving my subjects some modeling advice.

"You're poor!  Don't laugh.  Be poor!" He suggested to them.  Immediately every smile was wiped from their faces and they all stood there, waiting for me to capture their sudden melancholy.

For a kid who has never been to school for marketing, he sure knows what the people want, right?  Don't ever tell me people in developing countries aren't intelligent.

We want to see dirty faces, ragged clothes, and sullen eyes.  Only then will we open our wallets and send our contribution to the most desperate places on earth.

Why do we do that?  Do we think that if a child is smiling they must not be truly in need?  Do we think impoverished people sit around every day feeling sorry for themselves and practicing their camera-ready frown?  The thing is, sad pictures invoke pity.  Happy pictures are great, but I can take happy pictures of my cousins and get the same feeling inside, right?  These people don't need or deserve your pity; they deserve respect.

Some people might be reading this and thinking, "This is crazy. I certainly don't feel this way."  But clearly many people do, because even the people we are photographing understand that happy faces may get you into somebody's profile picture, but sad faces get you stuff.

I have a dear friend in another developing country who shared this story with me: When she and her siblings were kids, they heard about some people coming into their community and picking families to be a part of a new sponsorship program.  Their oldest brother wanted to get them into the program, but he knew to have a better chance he would have to help them out a little bit.  He told all of them to put on their worst clothes and make themselves look dirty (their mom was out of the house that day-she was furious with them when she discovered what they had done.  Moms are so universal.).  When the people came around with their cameras all the children put on their best "poor" face.  Guess who was put into the sponsorship program?  (And guess who got into big trouble when their mom received the photo a few months later of her children from that day?)

Don't get me wrong-my friend's family could have honestly used some help, and I'm sure this program did give them some great assistance.  But why do we only respond to the pain of poverty, while we totally ignore the other side of it?  The second we accept these images as the whole truth we deny people the dignity of being a whole human, capable of feeling joy as well as pain, capable of laughter as well as tears.  Maybe this is a subconscious thing we do, but it's an attitude and idea that we need to destroy.

Poverty is hard but it shouldn't define people.  If we turn our gaze to developing countries or impoverished areas and the people's poverty is the most remarkable thing about them, then we are sorely missing out on a group of people who have remarkable traits of God, just waiting to be recognized.

But that's just it-we don't see them because we aren't looking for them.  We take one look at them and label them: POOR.  HARD LIFE.  HELPLESS.  We think the best toy they will have is the one we give them.  We think the time that we make them laugh and smile is the only time they will smile that day.

It's time to look beyond the camera lens and look at people in three-dimension.  One of my sweet little neighbors has a favorite toy; I have seen him playing with it for literally hours every day, usually by himself, but contented as can be.  We have played with jump ropes, hula-hoops, and soccer balls, but they are nothing compared to this.  I have watched him outside, dressed in nothing but underwear covered in dirt from some serious playing, waving around a long stick with a ripped up grocery bag tied to it.  Even this morning as I was thinking about this blog here comes my boy, whacking the tree in my front yard with his stick because the grocery bag got caught in the branches.

Now if I managed to snap a picture of this boy, stick in hand, when he happened to not be smiling, what would you think?  "Oh, that poor dear boy doesn't even have clothes to wear or anything to play with but some trash."  Is that truth?  The truth is my neighbors don't have as many clothes as I do or as many toys as most kids in developed countries like the U.S. have.  But the other truth, the more important truth, is that my neighbor doesn't wear clothes because he doesn't want to wear clothes, and he plays with a stick and a grocery bag because that's what he likes to play with.  And you haven't seen true joy until you've seen a boy with his ripped up grocery bag.

Please don't think I'm condemning our society for wanting to help or for taking pictures of poor people.  I just want us to start seeing these people as they are-beautiful, dignified creations of God.  Let's stop helping people because we think their lives are pathetic, and start helping people because we are all broken people under one God who need a hand up every now and then.

After that young man behind me told everyone to "look poor" and to "stop laughing" I quickly jumped in and said "No, it's ok, smile!"  Here are some of the faces I captured in my two-minute photo-shoot.  Please take a minute to enjoy these pictures for what they show: real people who have many reasons to smile, just like you and me.

 When we change how we see the world, that's when we can truly change it.

Jessica: Even Now

I couldn't think of an intro to this blog, except to say that it’s about God’s love, and it’s been on my mind for a while now.  I hesitate making these thoughts public, because after rereading it I noticed how bad of a light I put myself in, and I don’t want to sound like a truly horrible person or that I think poorly of myself.  But maybe I should just try to not be a truly horrible person whenever I can, and then no matter what light I am in people will see God in me.  That’s the hope anyway.

In my 22 years of life God has given me glimpses of his eternal, unconditional love—that is, when I allow him to.  The call to love as God loves is such an important call, and I think that to be able to have a love like this is so important for what God wants me to do right now that he is desperately trying to show me what this love is really like, so that I may show it to other people.

I am what they call a “career missionary,” meaning that loving people and leading them to Christ—that’s supposed to be my full-time job.  I say supposed to be because I fail at it every single day.  But with every failure, I am learning more and more, and growing ever so slightly.

Guess what?  I don’t know how to love people the way Jesus does.  I look at people and see their shortcomings, and then I judge them.  I discover things about people, and instead of loving them when they really need it, I allow my disappointment to push them away.

When your “career” is supposed to be about making relationships and loving people more deeply, you just naturally find out the hard truth about them—they aren’t perfect.  Do you know how much easier it is to love something that’s perfect?  Imperfection is messy, and more time-consuming, and more hurtful.  It also involves a certain amount of vulnerability, to be willing to see the brokenness and to be willing that your brokenness be seen.  Maybe that’s why I have trouble letting many people truly get close to me; I’m afraid they will see me for who I really am, and then, when they know the whole disappointing, imperfect truth, they will push me away.  I do it to other people, so how can I expect people to treat me any differently?

Tell me if you can relate to this: you have a job, or you go to school, or you walk into Walmart, and you see all the people around you.  In your head you can grasp that every one of these people has a story, has a life.  They have experienced pain and joy, tears and laughter, just like you have.  And yet in your heart you can turn off the desire to get to know them better.  You can view them as one-dimensional, which is easy because then you don’t have to deal with their undesirable stuff.  They can just be the guy at the desk next to yours, or the woman talking on the phone in the restaurant. 

But something happens when you start following Christ.  He isn’t satisfied with one dimension.  He wants you to see people as he sees people.  Do you know how he sees people?

Anyone who has been a human for a few years can tell you that all humans are despicable creatures who get everything wrong.  Everything they do is destructive, if not to others, then definitely to themselves.  But that’s not what Christ sees.  He sees something beautiful in the terrible; something worthy of being loved, being redeemed.  And that is what he wants us to see in others.

Damn.

Things were a lot easier when I kept my crap to myself and pretended everyone else didn’t have any.

Sometimes, after I have managed to screw up the same thing for the hundredth time, I sit in the cover of darkness surrounded by my broken mess and cry out to the only person to whom I dare show my face: “Do you still love me, even now?  Can you still love me, even after I caused so much pain, even after I looked you right in the eye and turned so willingly away?  Do you love me even now?”

And with infinite love and grace, God whispers back with an impossible tenderness, “Even now.”  And suddenly I’m back from the brink; I can move back into the light, I can live another moment with a forgiveness I could never deserve.

And now that I am beginning to grasp just a tiny strand of God’s love for me, I am given the responsibility again, but now more fervently: share this love with others.

With each hurt I receive from someone as a result of their brokenness, I now hear God asking me gently, “Do you love him even now?”  The call to love has almost broken me, but now, more quickly than before, my feelings of hurt and distrust are replaced with a love that I can’t explain, a gentleness that could only come from God.  Suddenly, for the briefest of moments, God allows me to see people exactly (well, probably not exactly) how he sees them without my humanness to interfere, and it’s unbelievable.  You know the verse in 1 Peter that says “Love covers a multitude of sins”?  I can’t believe how true that is.  But give it a shot, and I guarantee you that the depth of God’s love will overwhelm you. 

I can say that I love people now more deeply than I ever was capable of before, and this time next year I am sure I will be able to say the same thing.  But more importantly, I am discovering every day just how much God loves people.  I hope as I walk through life with him people will see that love in me, and maybe they will learn more about his love because of it.